Mom Shaming

OK ... so we all know that mom shaming is real. You're not doing enough for your kids, you're doing to much for your kids, you aren't buying organic, you're buying too much organic, you're doing immunization shots, you're not doing immunization shots ... seriously the list goes on and on. We have to stop this bull-poopie right this minute!!!!

Whatever it is that you are doing, or not doing, it is what is right for your family right now. No one has the right to tell you how to raise your children ... and opinions aren't generally welcome when it comes to how we raise our kids. I'm not saying not to share ideas with fellow moms. We should all do that often and keep the conversation open and flowing.

But, seriously let's not bash our fellow moms! We all know how hard this job is. We are raising tiny human beings up from infancy to adulthood and hoping like heck that we don't majorly mess up somewhere down the line.

Who cares if your house isn't as clean as so and so's house down the street?

So what Ms. Perfect Curriculum thinks that your choice of curriculum will leave your children way behind in history?

That mom looking at you cross eyed while you pick up Cheese It's for your toddler that isn't eating anything else right now ... yeah, ignore her. Feed your kid whatever they'll eat.

And above all else lets all remember our manners and not call each other, or our ideas, dumb!! It wasn't acceptable behavior in Kindergarten and it certainly isn't acceptable now that we're adults. I was always told that if I didn't have something nice to say not to say anything at all. Well, I practice that as an adult almost daily. 

I don't have to agree with your choices to respect them and I certainly hope that the same goes in return.

Love each other, moms. Give each other support!

The No Good

Writing about the no good, very bad days that we all have from time to time today. Because everyone has bad days and I know that in most of my posts it looks like we just go along all sunshine and rainbows, lollipops in hand, singing like the Von Trap family. Yeah righ!

There are days that ECJ with his teenage hormones, ADHD, lack of impulse control, and general attitude gets the whole house in an uproar! He's downloaded something he shouldn't have, he's online looking at things he aught not be looking at, he's opened an account that he didn't ask permission to open, he's talking to people online who aren't really good for him to be talking to. Do you see the pattern with him? His main issue is the darned Internet and his electronic use. We end up dealing with why he can't talk to so and so, no he really doesn't need that account and just whose credit card was he thinking of entering to use it (really?!?!?), his report is due for Literature and Composition and he hasn't even cracked the book open yet. YUP. That's right. We have a teenage boy in the house. One who sometimes yells at his sisters to get out of his room and then complains the next day that they won't hang out with him. One who goes outside to skateboard with the neighbor kid and forgets to take his phone while deciding to skate down to the park without informing us. One who likes to push every boundary there is with Mom and Dad just to see what he can get away with today because you know some days it's just not worth the argument.

There are also days that YCJ gets hormonal and pouts, screams, and cries over any little thing that happens. There's one extra math problem today than yesterday, I've asked her to write the sentences in English instead of just the words that need changed, she's just feeling like we're all against her for no apparent reason. YUP. She's an eleven year old girl who is just learning how to deal with all of the hormones going through her body right now. One minute she enjoys playing with her little sister or older brother and the next she's screaming that they drive her up the wall. One minute she's all hugs and sunshine and the next she's like that girl from Exorcist . This is how her life is at the moment and it means that most days we roll with the punches but some days we want to throw a temper tantrum too! A lot of her frustration in school work has to do with her dyslexia and how it can make reading something simple into something really hard that day. Sometimes she's just over tired and wanting some more rest. And some days she doesn't care what the reason is we're all trying to get on her nerves and driving her crazy! We have times when there's girl drama going on between her and her friends in the neighborhood, so and so is being bossy ... or so and so won't listen to her ideas which are so much better! You get the idea.

Then it comes to the youngest member of our camping troupe. Peanut. Oh Peanut. She's highly functioning autistic and legally blind. Most days she's an angel with lots of ideas, plenty to show us, making us laugh and smile. But there are days when she just can't handle ANYTHING! She blows her top and punches her brother in the eye, yanks her sister's hair, screams at me ... only to minutes later be crying that she did that. It's all part of life with her challenges. Living life with autism on any level isn't just a challenge for the child it's a challenge for the entire family. What do you mean that you forgot your entire alphabet? (Yes, it happened and we spent last year going through everything from her preschool books up through first grade ... which is why she's in second grade this year and not last year.) It's a challenge to know what curriculum is going to work with her... will it be visually stimulating enough, fun enough, challenging enough, and yet still be able to be dropped for a few days if she goes into her bad days.

And of course you have us parents and the animals. Seriously there are some days that we really just want to scream until no sound comes out anymore. We're not saints ... far from it! Our children stress us out, confuse and confound us, drive us crazy, AND make us proud. We're a normal every day family. No there's no phone calls from the school administration to deal with if one of the campers acts up ... but there's late night conversations between teacher and principal (read mom and dad there) on what we need to change and what we can continue, should we really expect so much out of ECJ and just what was he thinking when he .... (whatever it is he did that week). We don't always agree, and a lot of the time we compromise. We hit ruts with our camper while pulling into what we thought was a comfortable campsite only to find out that it's not as flat and comfy as we'd thought.

So ... we don't always have a no good, very bad days ... there's not always a runt when we're going into our campsite ... and we're not always nice to each other. We're just like every other family out there. Unique with our own problems but when you look at the basics we're all really the same. It doesn't matter if you send your kids to a brick and mortar school, an online public school, school at home, or even totally crunchy unschool. We all have bad days and good days. It's in how we handle it that makes us who we are. Hopefully with a little gentle guiding all of our children can grow up to be well adjusted adults who can think for themselves and raise our grandchildren in ways that make us proud.

What's Up, Mamma?

Not everyone in the world, or even in my circle of friends and family, knows that I battle Bipolar Depression and anxiety. Well, now I guess that they do. It's not often diagnosed until someone is in their twenties or later because one must not only have a depression related episode but also a manic episode as well. And sometimes after the very first two it's still not caught right away or people tend to self medicate instead of seeking help. 

I was diagnosed in my early twenties. Honestly, in my case, it could have been diagnosed while I was still a teen. Why wasn't I diagnosed sooner? I self medicated. I drank ... a lot. I'm not proud of how much I used to drink nor my reasons for doing it but to be honest with y'all that's exactly what I did. It wasn't until I stopped drinking and went to seek help for my destructive behavior that I began to understand that it was all part of the same issues. I was put on medication for depression for the first time not related to post pregnancy related depression. I stayed on it for over a year and then, because I was feeling "better", I took myself off of them. Not a good idea ... EVER!

I was off of medication for the better part of a decade. Only getting back on it when dealing with post pregnancy depression and sometimes indulging in minimal drinking to "keep myself even" .... OK really stupid of me, I know. BUT, in the past year (and it's been a hard year) I went back to therapy for some professional help. I was crying all the time at literally everything. I wasn't sleeping for days, sometimes up to a week, at a time. I was so anxious that my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was making itself known very clearly. In the last decade I handed back my drivers license because I'm too anxious to drive and had to take a Xanax just to drive to the store, which is not a good idea by the way. I was becoming more and more a homebody where I would spend weeks at a time not leaving the house because I was too anxious to deal with people that I didn't know. I was letting my disorders win.

So, earlier this year I walked into a mental health clinic for the first time in around a decade. I sat down with my new therapist and explained what I was going through, my previous diagnosis, and what I'd been doing for the last decade. I was nervous, I don't like new people and new situations, and I felt embarrassed. It went surprisingly well. Within a month I'd seen my new doctor who immediately put me on some mood medication to get me to some kind of level. It took a couple of months to find the right pick and dosages. I still go see my therapist just about every other week and talk through what's going on in my life and how I'm dealing with it or not dealing with it. 

Sometimes I'm doing fine and sometimes I'm not. But, the disorders that I battle daily aren't easy to see from the outside. My mother had issues figuring out that I battle them and she's a registered nurse. Not everyone out there would know right away what I'm dealing with and that can be a good thing. 

I'm not writing this for sympathy but simply to let others know that some of us who look fine on the outside, who may act fine in a public setting because we've learned to hide our problems, and have very few symptoms that one would see at a glance ... just because we look "normal" doesn't mean that we're not fighting our own personal demons inside. 

Be kind to your fellow human beings because unless you've lived their life you can't know what one harsh word might do to them.

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