Reflections

I've spent much of the past week reflecting on life, religion, and our plans for the future. Sometimes we change those plans, sometimes we just adapt a few bits of the plan to fit the larger picture, and sometimes we start from scratch. Life is full of wonders and beauty if only we open our eyes and our hearts to see it.

So, this week I am starting off with a small prayer that I found in a book called Seek Me with all Your Heart, written by Beth Wiseman. It's a fictional book telling a small part of an Amish family's journey. The following prayer is one that the main character starts her day off with even when she's feeling abandoned by God...

Good morning, Lord. ?You are ushering in another day,

untouched and freshly new. So here I come to ask You, God, if

You'll renew me too? Forgive the many errors that I made yesterday

and let me try again, dear God, to walk closer in Thy way.

But, Father, I am well aware I can't make it on my own, so take

my hand and hold it tight, for I can't walk alone.

This simple little prayer, no matter where it actually began, has touched my heart over the last week and I find myself seeking God's hand to help me walk down the streets of my life. I hope that in some small way it has touched you in some way as well.

Two pumpkins, one
with a breast cancer
ribbon.

Teal pumpkin,
represents an allergy-free
option for trick or
treating.

Over the weekend we spent much of our time reading together, watching Netflix, and playing outside. The weather here in Michigan is a bit chill at the moment now that Fall is in full swing. But we're enjoying every minute that we can get outside before we have frigid temperatures. I worked on several crochet decorations for Fall and Christmas, the campers actually got along for most of the weekend even when discussing their favorite video games and their different ways of approaching the challenges in said games, and Daddy got to relax. Poor Daddy has been feeling out of sorts for over a week now with a migraine that just won't stop. My reflection of the entire weekend is that when you have your family little else matters... Sick or well, as long as you have your loved ones cherish every moment.

Monday we began our regular five day school week. Book lessons and computer lessons were completed within just a few hours and that left time for the campers to do some of the things that they wanted to. YCJ finished another chapter book, Peanut colored several more pages in her favorite coloring book, and ECJ got to spend time in his room without his sisters "bothering" him. Daddy and I watched a NCIS marathon on Netflix while I worked on larger pot holders that fit Daddy's hands better than the original ones I made (original ones are the red ones, the new ones are the green ones).

Tuesday we didn't do lessons in favor of relaxing and watching Netflix together. We had catechism that evening so it makes for a really long day. We're not all back from catechism until after 8:30 PM!

So, Wednesday we did double lessons. This is not as hard as it sounds and the campers voted to do this so that they wouldn't have any lessons over the weekend. The day practically flew by and we were still done with book lessons in about three hours and our online lessons only took an hour. When they buckle down they can get a lot done. Considering that I still had half a crock pot full of sausage and sour kraut we made Wednesday night a leftover night. Which left my evening free for talking with Daddy, watching more NCIS on Netflix, and crocheting some Christmas ornaments.

An envelope for a letter to Santa Christmas ornament

Thursday we did our lessons in record time! The girls watched Magic School Bus The Human Body again. Not because I'd asked them to but because they actually enjoy watching it. YCJ not as much as Peanut, but any excuse for TV during the day is a good one for her. We don't have cable so we watch antenna TV most of the time or Netflix. The campers don't watch much TV at all. They each have their favorite shows and we make sure to remind them each week when their show is on so they don't get upset about missing it. Yes, if we didn't remind them that it was time they usually forget about it about half of the time.

This has been a challenging week to say the least. As I look back and reflect on it I find many things that upset me. Each of the campers pulled an attitude at least twice this week, they're not perfect and neither is our family. Someone, we haven't figured out who, set bread soaked in antifreeze next to our porch steps in an attempt to poison our dogs. Thankfully we're vigilant and neither dog even licked the bread. Things could have been very bad. And Daddy and I both quit smoking this week! So our attitudes weren't the best but I'm very proud of us for having quit again. Perhaps this time it'll stick.

I have so many things to be thankful for each and every day. Some days with the hustle and bustle of daily life, I forget that each day is a gift. But, each day I'm gifted with life, I wake up to a loving family, we have a roof over our head, and we're in relatively good health most of the time. Life is good and God is everywhere ... you just have to take the time to look.

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A Blur

The last two weeks have been pretty much a blur. Not that we did all that much inside of those two weeks, just that I don't remember specifics of most of the first week. A lot of outside time at the beginning of the week. We did a lot of movies and reading at the end of that week, none of us were feeling very well and it was easier than pulling out the text books and getting lessons going in full swing. I finished a toddler blanket for a family friend during this week.

This past weekend we really just relaxed around the house, still not feeling well (nothing major just the sinus issues that come with the change of season), and played on various electronics. The campers played outside a bit when they were feeling up to it. All in all it was a very relaxing weekend.

Monday we called text book lessons off in favor of watching educational history and science DVDs because of the sinus issues cropping back up in the morning and causing sore throats. And while the campers watched those I spent most of the day working on Peanut's Christmas blanket (one of her gifts this year). 

Tuesday we were back to our regularly scheduled plans. Book lessons happened while I supervised and made supper in the crock pot (sausage and sour kraut this night). Computer lessons happened during the afternoon in turns while I again worked on Peanut's blanket. Due to no one feeling 100% we did call off sick for catechism classes, feeling it was better safe than sorry.


On Wednesday we again pulled out the DVDs and books. Sore throats but no fevers along with sinus drainage tells me that we'll get through this without going to the doctor but that there's no reason to do too much at any given time. I spent a good deal of the day making sure everyone was staying hydrated with warm drinks and crocheting on the blanket, determined to finish it inside of a week. (Just a random goal of mine, not because there was a deadline of a week to make it.) And I did finish it right before going to bed!

Thursday it rained all day long. We spent the entire day working on lessons and cleaning. To show off a simple chemical reaction we got the girls to clean the drains of the sink using baking soda and vinegar. They now want to build a volcano and make it erupt! (Sometime this winter we'll do that just because they want to.) After lessons were finished the campers watched some videos and then played on their electronics while I worked on some more Christmas ornaments for our tree.

What we learned this week - Here's a short list of things we learned this week... brain storming for story writing, greater and less than, punctuation and capitalization, all about bees and other insects and why they are important, early American history and how colonists and pioneers lived, information about the upcoming election, and how much we really don't like college level algebra (we will be purchasing a more grade appropriate algebra book shortly).

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The Unintentional Break

This past week was very interesting! We ended up taking a break instead of doing the schedule for lessons that I had laid out last week in my planner. It was not a bad way to start October.

Snowman goody sack.

Over the weekend we played outside and watched movies. I crafted. Nothing out of the ordinary at all.


I had scheduled us off of lessons on Monday because it was the third of the month and I always schedule us off of lessons on the third. The third is the day each month that we do the majority of our errand running. And that's exactly what we did this Monday, run errands almost all day long. BUT, we did stop at the park in the afternoon for the campers to play on the playground and go for a small walk. Tuesday I had scheduled for us to do our regular lessons ... however, we hadn't finished our errand running from the day before and so we put off lessons in favor of getting the rest of the errands finished.

Wednesday the campers all had dental appointments and that's exactly what we spent our morning doing. ECJ, YCJ, and Peanut all had no new cavities. Peanut's dental work (that has been ongoing for a few months) will finish up next week with her last appointment until her six month check up. After the dentist office we went to Grandma and Papa's house and helped Daddy scrub their big back deck clean. You can just see Peanut through the window blinds spraying off the cleaning agent we used to scrub that old deck with. It hadn't been done in at least six years so there was a lot of cleaning, scrubbing, and water involved. As well as close to ten hours outside!

Thursday we went back down to Grandma and Papa's house to paint the deck with deck stain. All of the railings and bits and pieces had to be done before the main part of the deck. It was a really big job and Grandma and Papa were outside with us helping to get it done. Hours and hours worth of happy work and now the deck looks almost brand spanking new (it's a 21 year old deck too).

So, Friday popped up with us unexpectedly haven taken the week off of lessons! We'd planned for lessons every day but Monday. Instead of getting frustrated I just smiled as we called lessons off for Friday as well. Instead we went to the cider mill for lunch and then came home to craft a bit and watch our history videos that will need to be returned to the library in the next day or two.

Peanut worked on her first plastic canvas piece that she actually understood. YCJ worked on her new puppy toy sewing kit that she got at the beginning of the month. Both were excited because these were the items they'd asked to buy with their money that they earned from completing their summer reading maps that I had assigned them. Since they finished them all before the first official day of fall they earned their rewards.


I worked on a few Christmas ornaments, dabbled with my cross stitch, and worked on a toddler blanket for a friend's baby. 

What did ECJ do? Well, he played games and watched YouTube on his tablet. He was exhausted even though he was the least active of all of us this week. But, then again he's a teenager who's growing every day so I shouldn't be too surprised. 


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What's Up, Mamma?

Not everyone in the world, or even in my circle of friends and family, knows that I battle Bipolar Depression and anxiety. Well, now I guess that they do. It's not often diagnosed until someone is in their twenties or later because one must not only have a depression related episode but also a manic episode as well. And sometimes after the very first two it's still not caught right away or people tend to self medicate instead of seeking help. 

I was diagnosed in my early twenties. Honestly, in my case, it could have been diagnosed while I was still a teen. Why wasn't I diagnosed sooner? I self medicated. I drank ... a lot. I'm not proud of how much I used to drink nor my reasons for doing it but to be honest with y'all that's exactly what I did. It wasn't until I stopped drinking and went to seek help for my destructive behavior that I began to understand that it was all part of the same issues. I was put on medication for depression for the first time not related to post pregnancy related depression. I stayed on it for over a year and then, because I was feeling "better", I took myself off of them. Not a good idea ... EVER!

I was off of medication for the better part of a decade. Only getting back on it when dealing with post pregnancy depression and sometimes indulging in minimal drinking to "keep myself even" .... OK really stupid of me, I know. BUT, in the past year (and it's been a hard year) I went back to therapy for some professional help. I was crying all the time at literally everything. I wasn't sleeping for days, sometimes up to a week, at a time. I was so anxious that my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was making itself known very clearly. In the last decade I handed back my drivers license because I'm too anxious to drive and had to take a Xanax just to drive to the store, which is not a good idea by the way. I was becoming more and more a homebody where I would spend weeks at a time not leaving the house because I was too anxious to deal with people that I didn't know. I was letting my disorders win.

So, earlier this year I walked into a mental health clinic for the first time in around a decade. I sat down with my new therapist and explained what I was going through, my previous diagnosis, and what I'd been doing for the last decade. I was nervous, I don't like new people and new situations, and I felt embarrassed. It went surprisingly well. Within a month I'd seen my new doctor who immediately put me on some mood medication to get me to some kind of level. It took a couple of months to find the right pick and dosages. I still go see my therapist just about every other week and talk through what's going on in my life and how I'm dealing with it or not dealing with it. 

Sometimes I'm doing fine and sometimes I'm not. But, the disorders that I battle daily aren't easy to see from the outside. My mother had issues figuring out that I battle them and she's a registered nurse. Not everyone out there would know right away what I'm dealing with and that can be a good thing. 

I'm not writing this for sympathy but simply to let others know that some of us who look fine on the outside, who may act fine in a public setting because we've learned to hide our problems, and have very few symptoms that one would see at a glance ... just because we look "normal" doesn't mean that we're not fighting our own personal demons inside. 

Be kind to your fellow human beings because unless you've lived their life you can't know what one harsh word might do to them.

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